Because Christianity is bigger than Biblical manhood or Biblical womanhood (Blog of Retha Faurie)

Posts tagged ‘love’

Courtship: Is the heart a pie, or a muscle?

I’m 37, and for the first time in my life, I have a boyfriend. It’s starting slowly, and he has a lot of patience with me. It is slow, because I buried that part of my heart for years. Which brings me to the topic of courtship versus dating.

Courtship proponents tell something that is almost the opposite of what I now experience. Courtship (which, by the way, would be impossible for me to practice as I don’t live with my parents), thus say its proponents, protects a girl’s heart. With every boyfriend you date, and every infatuation you feel, you allegedly give away a part of your heart. In the end, according to them, there is very little heart left for your husband.

If that was true, I’d have looked down on married believers. The part of the heart that belongs to a husband/ wife then mean less of their hearts belong to God. I’d have advised married couples to have no children – to love a child would be to love the spouse, and God, less. I would have told people with one child not to try for a second, and seriously have worried about children and spouses in large families, if hearts only have a limited amount of love in them. It is hard to figure out how anyone can be simultaneously Quiverfull and believe in the courtship story about giving away the heart.

But it seems to me that the heart is not a pie that can only be cut up into so many pieces. It is a muscle. It is strengthened by use – by loving and laughing and caring and sharing and feeling and yes, even by getting hurt sometimes. And that a part of my heart got weaker through not getting exercise.

Hearts are not meant to be buried. CS Lewis said:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

A heart with Jesus in it is not a wicked thing which should be hidden – it is a beautiful thing which should be used.

The Christ as husband metaphor: It’s about love, not leadership


Why is the relationship between a husband and wife compared to the relationship between Christ and the church?

Hosea 2:16 In that day, declares the LORD, you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master.’


The relationship is compared to the intimate relationship between a man and hs wife, because the relationship God desire with us is that of one lover to another, not of a master to a subject!

Obey the Lord? Yes, but because we love and trust him. The love and trust is central, the obedience follows when we know He is right, wise, and has our best interests at heart.

Some claim the relationship between the church and Christ is primarily one of a ruler to a subject, and want to arrange marriages that way too. I don’t pity them firstly for what they miss in their marriages, but for what they miss in their relationship with Christ.

Christ is the husband, the lover. We are heirs with the firstborn Son. True, we are also subjects of God, but the point of the church as bride picture is, according to scripture, one of love, not lordship.

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