Because Christianity is bigger than Biblical manhood or Biblical womanhood (Blog of Retha Faurie)

Posts tagged ‘domestic violence’

Christian culture does not understand intimate partner abuse – what can we do about it?

I wish it wasn’t true. I already know from sites like A Cry for Justice that the church often gives terrible advice to abuse victims. I don’t want to believe Samantha Field is entirely right when claiming that purity culture(1) Christians don’t care about or teach the importance of consent. I’ve read stories of “Christian” leaders telling women to repent for being raped. I already mentioned some abuse-condoning statements by Paige Patterson and Bruce Ware on this blog.

But evidence keeps on mounting:

Dannah K. Gresh (also the writer of “And the Bride Wore White”, who has sold more than 470,000 books, leaders guides, and curriculum pulling-back-the-shadesbearing the message of sexual purity) and Dr. Juli Slattery (a psychologist formerly from Focus on the Family) wrote a new book to give a Christian response to “50 Shades of Grey” and erotica like it, and talk about how to be sexual and spiritual at the same time. The topic of “Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart”certainly has merit. But their book also gives evidence of followers of Jesus not caring or thinking about intimate partner abuse – while touching on topics which certainly relates to it. (more…)

When authority is in the hands of fools, who will protect their victims?

On one patriarchal site, I once read a tirade about how there are no good women any more to marry. A few qualities of (what they call) good women were listed in their tirades. I found the tirade somewhat ironic. I was, in the light of what they said there, a good woman. And I, a “good woman”, hardly ever meet any good single Christian men.

I asked where good women could find good men. When the blog owner made a new post of the question, it got a flood of responses – they found it shocking that a woman could remain unmarried and claim she serve God. One woman, with good Christianese words and the nickname of Mrs Pilgrim, told me to advertise on e-Harmony for a wife-beating man. A “taken in hand relationship“, she called it. Nobody there contradicted her.

On that same patriarchal blog, a male once commented that he finds nothing wrong with beating his wife. “How else can I get her to do what I want?” he said. Which made me wonder: What should your wife do to you to get you to do what she wants?

And now here is the really crazy part: These same people, the only people who I ever read approving of wife beating believe, unlike most of society, they know better than their adult children who the child should marry. They call it “courtship.”

Oh, according to them, their children have the right to say no to the partner Daddy finds. But a young woman who was home schooled by her parents, who have to stay at home until she marry, often knows nothing except what her parents tell her. As such, it is a bounded choice. And, what is more, the young adult has no right – according to the lessons of the parents, given all her life  –  to choose a partner Mom and Dad disapprove of.

They can’t even see what is wrong with wife beating, but they regard themselves as qualified to choose a husband for their daughters? Go figure.

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I realize that this will look a lot more believable if I actually linked to these comments. But the blog Vox Popoli uses Cocomment, a system by which the old comments no longer appear and are not searchable with a search engine. My theory is that the blogger chose it on purpose, as actually being able to collect quotes from his patriarchal, mostly male readers would clearly show why “patriarchs” should not be allowed to rule anything.

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