Because Christianity is bigger than Biblical manhood or Biblical womanhood (Blog of Retha Faurie)

This letter was written by an Internet friend of mine in the USA. She does not have her own blog and wants to remain anonymous.


An open letter to complementarians

woman-shadow111Thank you, Vision Forum and complementarians. Thank you for destroying my life and the lives of countless other women. Thank you for telling my sisters in Christ that our only worth is based on my ability to serve men. Thank you for teaching it is a sin for a woman to have a career, because you did not just ruin the lives of those in your movement, you stunted and hampered my growth because I felt guilty for going to college and living away from my parents. Thank you, complementarians, for turning the clock back in the church back to the 1850’s. Thank you for telling me my novels1 are sinful because they do not fit your gender roles.

Yes, thank you teaching me to hate men because your teaching give men all accountability and no responsibility. Thank you for telling me my crushes on famous men I do not even know in real life were the same as adultery . Thank you for telling me my heart is not whole because I’ve dated some men where the relationship did not end in marriage. Thank you for reinforcing the double sexual standard, allowing young men to ‘sow their wild oats’ but telling young women never to feel any affection for males. Thank you for teaching me being raped twice made me unfit to be a bride and I caused it by ‘dressing too slutty.’ Thank you for opening me up to demons because I believed God hated women. Thank you for making the USA, one of the most egal countries on Earth, once more a patriarchal society. Thank you for your rigid interpretations of Ephesians 5:22 and 1 Timothy 2:12. Thank you for teaching Christian men not to respect women. Thank you for your lies and your destruction of lives in the name of Jesus. Thank you for focusing on a non-issue when millions are dying without Christ. Yes, thank you very much!

I still love and serve Jesus, but your poison has harmed me greatly. You may get away with this on Earth, but the Lord of the Hosts is watching. He sees the tears cried by the women and children trapped in abusive marriages because your doctrine teaches them not to leave and to stay and serve them. He hears the tears of wives cheated on by husbands because you twist Old Testament Scriptures to allow polygamy and turn a blind eye to adultery. Contrary to what you think, God is not a male chauvinist. I have no doubt he will make right these lives you have ruined.

You say your gender roles are about protecting women, but you do not help a woman when she needs protection from a man. You allow deaths by domestic violence, saying that it’s not permissible to divorce. You allow rape, or need it to exist, because it reinforces your gender roles. You have made yourselves an idol, and the bible says we are to ‘tear down all strongholds’. I am not the only life you have damaged. Many others have, but they suffer in silence, and I will no longer. Your ideas hurt men too, because they learn to disrespect women. They believe God approves of their sexist attitudes. You demand men show no emotions, which could be fatal if a man is suffering from mental illness. You stigmatize men who have normal healthy emotions, and I imagine if a man doesn’t fit your role, he feels awful too.

Jesus Christ did not come to earth to reinforce patriarchy or slavery. He came to serve. I cry with him at the damage you do. My comfort is in him. Thank God I did not turn from him. But other women—and other men too—may because of the harm you do. May God forgive you.


One Deeply Hurt Woman


1 My novels: The writer of this letter is a published author.

Comments on: "An open letter to complementarians (Guest post)" (6)

  1. krwordgazer said:

    Thank you for your honest words. These people do need to be called to account!


  2. A friend said:

    I am sorry that you have been so deeply hurt. It really does break my heart. I understand the pain and anger and so does God. I pray that you can be healed completely. This doctrine is very destructive. I pray that those who push this theology will take it the Lord in pray and examine themselves. Many men and women are testifying about the damage this has caused. Love and healing and peace to you dear sister!


  3. “You say your gender roles are about protecting women, but you do not help a woman when she needs protection from a man.”

    Yes. This.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I shudder to think they’d take this as a compliment. They can take their gender roles to hell with them.


  5. I am so sorry this person has been so hurt. I was never taught “complementarian” meant any of these things and am surprised to hear such a different and damaging definition of the same theology.


  6. Ephesians 6:12 (KJV) says: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

    It’s not man that we should be so against, but satan. Satan is the one who attacks these men with these demons, that tempt them to think and act in such an un-biblical way.

    John 10:10 says: “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”

    To me, this last piece of scripture proves the “complementarian” theology to be from satan and not God. From all the testimonies and fruit that I have heard about those surviving it, it seems to ‘steal’ one”s self-worth, ‘kill’ their relationship with God, and ‘destroy’ any chance at having a healthy marriage. There is no ‘life’ for the woman within such teachings…

    Liked by 1 person

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