Sometimes, God speak to me in that language too. (He speaks English to an English man and Spanish to a Spanish woman – it is great when He speaks a language even I can understand.)
I was crying over opportunities I lost, doors that closed last year and no door have been opening instead.
“Retha. When things still went well, how many students did you teach per week?” Usually about 6-8.
“For how many minutes a week?” Subtracting all the other things we did, like the time they spent praying, about 25 minutes.
“For how many weeks a year?” About half the weeks.
“Add it up.” That comes down to about 75-100 minutes in an average week.
“How many blog readers do you have?” I have [this many] blog visitors between my blogs1, but I won’t say all of them learn from the blogs. Some could just look for something they did not find, like looking for evidence of male headship, or looking to see if I had any new blog posts the past 3 days. But at a conservative estimate, if only a few of them actually learn from me, let us say perhaps at least 20 people a day spend 5 minutes learning, between my different blogs.
“Add it up.” That is about 100 minutes of teaching people get from my blogs in a day, or 700 minutes a week.
“When you were still a Sunday school teacher, how much time and prayer did you spend on Sunday school vs. your blogs?” Not sure. Much longer preparing lessons than blogging, perhaps 3 or 4 times as much prayers for Sunday school teaching as for my blog?
“You put in double as much effort where you got 1/8 of your results? And where did the doors close?” Uhhhmmm, the place where I spent the majority of my time and enjoyed about 1/8 of my results.
I gained time to… blog and write more? But, Lord, this past year, since losing the opportunity to teach in person, I actually blogged less.
“Use the talents you have. Use the open door you have. And stop focusing on what you lost.”
I am not entirely happy with this message. The great thing is, the perspective that my life lost meaning does not have to be true. If I spend my time right, it could gain meaning for many people. The Internet is an international open door. But together with losing the chance to teach in person, I also lost a church, and a sense of community. I have a different church where I attend now, but I do not see it turning into real community soon. Walking without eye-to-eye community is a lonely road, and having Aspergers does not make solutions for loneliness any easier.
So, I want to ask my loyal readers a favour:
As my ministry is mostly online now, and my church do not read my blogs, I want my loyal egal readers to send a message here https://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/contact-me/ if:
<1) I write something that is harmful or untrue
2) You detect a wrong attitude in me.
I ask this to egalitarian Christians. If you believe I am wrong to proclaim mutual submission, or even worse, wrong to believe God exist, you are not the kind of person whose help I ask here. Non-egals could also comment on this blog, but they are not my primary advisors.
Thank you in advance.