Today, please do a little thought exercise with me. For the sake of argument, we will concede the complementarian view that head means leader in Eph 5:23.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
With head meaning leader, the husband will be the leader in the way Jesus is the leader. How is Jesus the leader of the church? Well, Jesus does not actually stand beside the church and give her orders. Instead, He sent the Holy Spirit to lead in all truth. The church knows what Jesus said and taught and what is written down now, believes in it, and want to follow it. They want to be like Jesus. Therefore they read it and follow the parts they understand to be good. There are parts of what Jesus said like “give to all who ask of you” that they do not follow, as it somehow goes against (a) what they want to do with their possessions, and (b) wise stewardship. The church (imperfectly) obey the principles Jesus taught and modelled, because their faith started when Jesus died for them and rose again.
Nobody in the church can say they ever obeyed one single self-centred command of Jesus. Jesus never said: “Go make me a sandwich right now, even though you are busy and I am sitting in front of the TV.”
IF the husband was the leader as Jesus is the leader (an idea I disagree with), then the following will be how he is the leader:
The husband does not actually stand beside his wife and give her orders. Instead, the wife knows what values her husband have, she believes in those values, and want to follow it. She wants to be like him (being like a husband is, of course, not in keeping with gender roles). Therefore she follows the parts of what he said that she understands to be good. She (imperfectly) obey the principles her husband believes in and sets an example in, because her husband did something amazing to rescue her from a truly horrible situation. She will never obey one single self-centred command of her husband, he will not give one.
Does any of my readers have more on how Jesus leads the church?