Because Christianity is bigger than Biblical manhood or Biblical womanhood (Blog of Retha Faurie)

“A man’s world is focused outside the home in work and recreation. A women’s world is strongly focused within the home and on family… Men develop the evidence of their worthiness primarily from their jobs, being respected in business, profession or craft. Women, and especially homemakers, depend primarily on the romantic relationship with their husbands for ego support… the emotional content of a marriage is usually more important to women and why the little tokens of affection are appreciated more by wives, who obtain esteem from these expressions of love and generosity. Women need continual reassurance from their husband that they are loved, needed and valued. … men do not need this kind of reassurance from their wives…

Men do not have as strong a desire and need for stability, security and enduring relationships as women do… Women are usually credited with possessing “mothers intuition” in regard to not just her children but all personal relationships. She may not be able to explain it, but she has a feeling about the situation that the man does not.” – From a piece of bad pop science masquerading as religious teaching on an allegedly Bible-oriented website.

When Daddy is out earning a living and the little ones at school, what then?

When Daddy is out earning a living and the little ones at school, who do Mommy relate to?

This is a statement that often appear in teachings on gender roles: Men find value in work, women in relationships. Men want to be away from home, women want to be at home.

That is really weird. You see, for a newly wed wife with a husband at work her home is the one place where there are no people to relate to most of the time. Even if he works just 8 hours a day, with a 30 minutes lunch break and 30 minutes to get to work and later 30 minutes to get back, the waking hours with him at home are less than the hours alone.

If she is made to stay at home, and all her potential friends do the same, she can relate to nobody except the occasional plumber or delivery guy, who visits her home in the course of working. And she has to cook, clean, and do other kinds of work even though she don’t find value or pride in her work – unlike men, her self esteem is not influenced by how well she does her work, or the respect others give to it.

A woman is made for relating, so this story goes, and the young mother would want to stay at home and relate to nobody except her baby(/ies)/ toddler(s). She loves relating, so she will not miss adult relationships if she is at home all day.

The woman with grown up children who left the home will be happy alone (her friends would not want to visit – they will prefer being at home too) at home all day, as relationships are important to her.

Men, meanwhile, to whom relationships are not as important, should go to work where most of them relate to co-workers/ customers/ suppliers/ bosses/ employees all day.

And because men don’t need those little tokens of affection as much as women do, women was made by God to complement men by relating to them – relating means giving a lot of little tokens of affection that God did not design men to need, while men was designed by  God to not find relating easily and therefore struggle to give little tokens of affection which God made women to need.

The mind boggles. (Oh, I am a woman and not, by their standards, driven by reason but by emotions. So perhaps I should rather say I feel confused by this?)

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Comments on: "If women are made for relationships and to stay at home, where does that leave me who live alone?" (5)

  1. These people live in a dream world. They need to wake up. Society has changed and will continue to change. Women work outside the home. They need to get over it.

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  2. You are right, Retha, they make NO SENSE. According to this, and to other writings by CBMW, & etc, women, who NEED to relate to others, are stuck at home alone or with young children whose capability to relate is limited, more than half of their waking hours. Men, who do NOT have such a need to relate go to work, where they likely relate to adults most of the time. Then when husbands come home, they are sick of relating and want to be alone, while their wives are starving for interaction. With the husband having the final word, you don’t need 2 guesses as to which partner gets his needs met. And then they (in other places) tell wives, whose tanks are empty from lack of relationship, to put out sexually for their husbands, whose tanks are NOT empty. Seems to me, the partner who has the most “fuel” in his tank, should be the one to submit to the other–the one with the empty tank–in the bedroom. The teaching is cruel: the wives are continually having to work and fill everyone else’s needs, while the wives needs go unmet for days, weeks, months and years at a time.

    As for single women, they’ll slap the stereotype on you. You probably go around having fun being social all the time anyway, so your relationship needs are being met by other unmarrieds, I guess. And don’t be fooled; most husbands do not meet their wive’s need for affirmation. A few do, but my sense is that is rare.

    This whole thing is one of the reasons women want to go to work. Men were not meeting the needs of their wives, and women need to get affirmation, etc outside of their marriages. Far too many wives who are stuck at home are extremely lonely.

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  3. It’s rather funny, because I’ve heard other men saying that women should actually be the ones going to work, as women are more suited to mundane and repetitive tasks, while men should have all the free time to do as they wish. Either way, do you not see what they are really trying to say? They want to be free of the more uncomfortable responsibilities, while loading everything on women, including any and all hostility, and toxic emotions to boot. This is what the typical “woman hater” wants — they do not like women, period, and nothing you say or do will change their minds unless God does. I am wiling to bet that most of these men are probably of the sociopathic or narcissistic spectrum, because a normal, open minded person does not put everyone into the same box, i.e. “women are all made to do this or that” and so forth. They are just very ill people, both mentally and emotionally, and hopefully God can change that…if not, then I guess they will find out the hard way what the consequences of their stubborn false beliefs are.

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  4. As always, Retha, you have so cogently pointed out the contradictions inherent within these teachings. I think Observer has accurately pointed to the cause of these contradictions: that the group in power is using whatever reasoning supports it in getting what it wants while encouraging the subordinated group to give up what it wants. That’s why in some patriarchal 3rd-world countries where the Protestant work ethic is less prevalent, most of the work of the society is actually done by the women while the men essentially loaf around.

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  5. Even though I get jumped on for my comment, I still say, that women need to gather together out of mutual concern for our female gender, be supportive of each other’s needs and desires, stop being catty, stop criticizing females when they make choices that don’t fit traditional paths for females, recognize that females are just as vital as males are, and that we do not need to exalt, worship, or brag on males to get and keep them. We do not need a relationship with dad only, while ignoring mom, who anyway is the one who carried and gave birth to us. We also, need to throw away the terms, “daddy issues” and “daddy’s girl”, unless we are going also label boys, as having “mommy issues” and being “momma’s boy”. The notions given here, are a part of what we call “man-made doctrines”. That means, rules made by man or mortals here on this earth that exalt males. We should follow God’s rules and doctrines, and exalt God only.

    Man-made doctrines that favor and exalt males, are seen all across the country, especially via the internet, that come from male rights groups, and from male and female Biblical marriage sites, that constantly demean, blame, and lambast wives for every little thing, by throwing ists of do’s and don’ts at wives. These so called “Biblical” sites are owned by men and women with traits and characterisitcs of a religious cult. It practices brainwash and indoctrinate females, while letting men off the hook and exalting them as gods and kings. which they aRare not because they ignore the Scripture that speaks to husbands’ roles, then go on and on about the wife”s roles. It is so sad how these people think it is okay to demean and belittle wives.

    Females need to begin to love, honor, and respect themselves, and require the same from others. Females from birth, are constantly beat down, beat over the head, with doctrines that tell us that we should allow the blaming scolding, and belittling, and to be good little girls and people pleasers, while we worship dad, husband, and boyfriend, lest these males reject us and our mate, goes on to find another to cheat with. With this in mind, we females need to build our own self esteem and love ourselves before we let ourselves, love on any male.

    We have got to stop making everything abour our man and stop speaking from the man’s point of view.

    ************************************************************************************************
    Matthew 7(15-16)
    “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles?

    Isaiah 29:13
    The Lord says: “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught.

    King James Bible Matthew 15:9
    But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men

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