Steven Tracy wrote a paper (from a complementarian perspective) on “WHAT DOES ‘SUBMIT IN EVERYTHING’ REALLY MEAN? THE NATURE AND SCOPE OF MARITAL SUBMISSION“.
He notices that in the real world, with it’s many real problems of power abuse, people have very real problems with submission – and what the Bible say about these problems. He discusses what it means that our ultimate submission should be to Christ, where emphasis should be placed when submission conflicts with loyalty to Christ, or with keeping your children safe, with your own conscience, etc. All of this, he tackles from the Bible.
If you are a wife who struggle with submission for reasons like this, I’d advice you to skip right to the bottom of page 20 and start reading SUMMARY PRINCIPLES REGARDING THE PARAMETERS OF FEMALE SUBMISSION. If you want to read a bit more, start at page 12: BIBLICAL CONSIDERATIONS, or at page 17: Eph 5:24—”submit in everything”.
Ps: You could also prayerfully consider this view, from Marg Moczko. To quote from her view: “Disturbingly, some Christians have tried to work out the parameters and limits of wifely submission and attempted to define what types and amounts of harmful and hurtful behaviour a wife should put up with before she may resist her husband, say “no” to her husband, or even leave the marriage. It seems to me that when we begin defining and quantifying certain forms of bad behaviour and abuse against women, we have missed the point entirely. The point of any instruction or law in the Bible is justice, mercy and compassion! (Zech 7:9-10; Mat 23:23; Rom 13:9-10). Justice, mercy and compasssion are the godly ideals and motivations that should be forefront in our minds and hearts when putting any Biblical principle into practice.”